When i was his..

It was the first day in the 2nd year of B.E –EEE class. We heard that some new guys have joined the class as they got transferred from other college  to ours. Everyone was waiting for lecturer to arrive. Divya was the class representative from the girls side. I told divya to ask the boys representative to introduce the new guys to the class. Honestly we were bored looking the same old faces of which none was good looking and handsome. As I started, other girls too started urging her to ask the boys’ rep.

One by one the boys came forward and introduced themselves in front of the class. There were five of them. We were commenting on each of them as they came to introduce. The last one ‘ I am Premanand , from Vellore, from AC tech karaikudi’. Once he said Vellore, my friends started teasing me since I was also from the same place.

It was in Co-operative stores where we buy stationery items. Divya and me went to buy some record notes that evening. Prem and his friend Dileep were there buying something. I was thinking and rethinking during the 10 minutes we purchased whether to talk to Prem as to where he is from in vellore, because in those days talking to a boy means it was a bad girl’s deed.

Finally just before leaving the stores, I asked him “ Hi.. Are you from vellore? Me too”, He replied “ Yes”. I thought why I talked to him to hear this one word answer.

“ I studied in shrishti school in vellore, where are you from, which school?”.

Prem said “ You may not know my place, you would not have heard, It is Walaja,”

“Oh..I know the place very well. My grandparents are there”

 “ Okay, I know Shrishti too, my friend studied there”.

“ Okay Bye, I am leaving”

“Bye”.

There was no conversation between us there after.

It was the time of Oracle, 2 days of symposiums and culturals. I was in technical committee. Prem was there too. A meeting was held for the committee members. We were asked to prepare questions for the competitions.

2 days after the meeting, after everyone in the class left, I was helping divya in completing some attendance calculation work. Prem came inside the class and asked “ Have you prepared the questions, I was asked to collect the questions from all”.

I said “ Oh, in 2 days how can we, why didn’t you inform me that I have to finish it today?”

“I had asked sivaraman to message harini and convey you the message, didn’t harini tell you?” , communication was really long process.

I thought why couldn’t he directly message me instead. May be I should give my mobile number to him now for further communications.

I said “ No, I didn’t prepare anything, have you done? If you had made, give me yours. I want to see how the standard of questions must be.”

“I just made this, you keep seeing this, I will come back and get it in 5 minutes” he left the room.

5 minutes later, he came back and got his paper back, asked me to give mine the next day definitely.

Next day, standing in the stair case, I gave him a paper with few questions. He asked me “ Do you know where they are selecting the papers for symposium, I want to see it. To whom should I ask permission?”

“ Why to ask permission and all, just go in and sit with them, it is this room, come we shall go in.” We entered the final year class room.

I was chatting with the seniors there and he was seriously looking at the papers and reading them. What a studious, sincere and focused boy, I thought.

Then I left the place, he remained there, reading the papers.

Later that day, the members were asked to come for the meeting to discuss about the events. Thinking that I will be bored, I didn’t attend. I heard all others attended.

On the day of Oracle, i went with few other girls in the early hours to make rangoli in front of the auditorium. While returning back to the hostel, a senior named Madhavi was talking to me. She asked me, “ why don’t you girls speak with your class boys?”    

I said “they don’t talk with us, also what is the necessity to speak to them,”

“These boys seem to be really good, yesterday I was speaking to Prem, he was very good boy.” She said.

“Oh, he, I heard he is very hard, he always gives nose cut when some girl talks to him. Vishalakshi told me, when she speaks to him, he don’t even see her face while replying.”

“He may be afraid that, if he sees your face, he will faint in seeing your beauty” She just teased  me and laughed it off.

The second year episode was over.

During the third year, I received a friend request through hi5, a social networking website. It was from Prem. I accepted it as I received it from many other boys of my class. I forgot about this soon after. But I never knew it made him so happy.

During the third year, the placement activities had started with full fledge. Prem was dressing very formally those days as if he is attending interview everyday.

There was a mock press session in the class in which one has to enact as a personality and others will act as press.

I was acting like our electronics lecturer. She was a funny woman with funny actions. Everyone was asking silly questions to me and I replied to them accordingly. Suddenly there was a question from Prem, his face was very stern and serious, “You often tell us to assume the resistance to be 10 ohm, how can we simply assume anything?”

Just for the sake of answering, I said “ I am an ardent fan of Abdul kalam, he always tells students to imagine and dream, I tell my students to assume. Both are same”

There was some applause. But no reaction from prem’s face, just a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.

Harini  and me were selected for a paper presentation in a college  in Chennai. It was combined with holidays for independence day. So we planned a trip to our homes. It was 11th August  2006. We both had dinner at a hotel and took our seats in the Nilgiri express at 8:45 pm.

Suddenly there was a familiar face coming into that area. It was Prem. I didn’t know how to react, just said ‘Hi’ to him. He replied with the same ‘Hi’, placed his bag beneath the seat and sat near me.  Unexpected coincidence.

I asked “ Is this your seat?” He answered “Yes, I will come back in few minutes” and left the place.

I told to harini that the boy was very harsh and rude to speak. Just when we were discussing about him, prem came back to his seat. Harini signaled me to stop talking about him.

We didn’t speak anything for sometime. Then I don’t remember how it started, we started talking about our class, this and that. Arun, one other classmate came to our place and joined our conversation. May be this boy would have invited him because of being afraid of being alone with two girls.

Prem asked “Did you get my hi5 friend request?“ just for the sake of asking.

I totally forgot that he gave me a request and managed “Yeah I got it”

Then “How can you say that assuming is correct, it is not same as dreaming and imagining.”

I said “I was just acting like her, in that case I have to defend her. So I said like that”

He said the boys used to tease him with me since we both are from the same place.

We talked for around 2 hours and when it was time to sleep, he said “I don’t want to sleep, I have to get down at 2 and if I sleep I will miss my station and end up in reaching Chennai, so I am going to sit here all night”. Mine was lower berth, I was already too heavily loaded with sleep. So I told him, “Don’t worry, you sleep, I will wake you up at 1.45 and you wont miss your station”. He said Okay and went to sleep in the upper berth.

It was then the miracle happened. Why I did so much for him. I kept alarm to get up at 1.45 to wake him, whom I thought was very rude and inconsiderate to girls.

It was 1.45 am, I woke up. I stood up, called his name thrice. He didn’t get up. Not knowing what to do, I touched him. It was the turning point of my life. If i had not woken him up, my life would be otherwise, and his too.

I tapped him and asked him to get up. He woke up and went to wash his face. Since my job was over, I went back to sleep, actually tried to sleep. He came back to my berth where I was lying in that black satin salwar. He sat on the edge of the seat ensuring not to touch my legs and not to disturb me. I knew that he was sitting near my legs.

The 10 minutes turned and twisted both our lives. I still don’t know why I got up and sat, and what made me to do that.

I sat near him. He thanked me for waking him. He saw me, my face, my eyes. In that early hours of dawn, when all eyes and souls were fast asleep with dreams, cold air was blowing on our faces, the sound of the train was constantly brushing through our ears, only the four eyes were winking in the middle of the night.

He asked “If you don’t mind, can you give your mobile number?” .

I generally don’t like to give my number to boys since there used to be lot of nuisances from them which I have witnessed. But this time I had no hesitation. “Yeah, sure” and I told my number. He gave me a call and asked me to save his number as Ethan.

I didn’t know what is ethan and asked him what it is. He said it is the name of his favorite hollywood movie star. Then the station where he has to get down arrived and he said a bye to me and left at 2:00 am. I never thought this meeting would grow into a relationship.

There was a message later in the morning from Prem with so many 1s and finally wishing me a good morning. I replied back to him to have a good morning. It was over with the day. 10 days later, on my birthday, Aug 22nd 2006, there was a message in the morning at 7:30 wishing me happy birthday. I thanked him and asked him how he knew my birthday. He said he knew everything about me.

It all started with that. Next day prem sent me a forward about sania mirza. We continued to chat with the help of my roommate’s mobile since sms was costly from my mobile.

The conversations went on starting with few sms per day and growing to double digits in few days.

Once I messaged him and asked what he was doing. He said he was thinking about me. I fell for that, for the first time.

I asked “ What were you thinking about me”

“I didn’t tell you that I am leaving to my grandparent’s place, now I am in train, on the way”

A mixed feeling of anger and loneliness sank into me. Anger because he didn’t tell me about his trip. And I don’t know why I felt lonely, beyond my control I missed him so much. I didn’t tell him that I missed him. But he said “I will call you tonight at 10, if you will be free and if you don’t have any problems”.

This is the first time we are going to speak after our meet in the train. Around a month after that. It was only messages through which we conversed. I don’t know why, but I was excited about talking to him. I told my friend harini that he is going to call me at 10. I was waiting from noon for 10 o clock. Exactly at 10, I got the call and we spoke for some 30 minutes. In between, his relatives and mother were teasing him for talking to me. After the call, I was happy for no reasons and went to sleep.

The chat and messaging continued for days and it became 2 months. I went to home for Diwali holidays. There was a forward message from Prem. Incidentally my father saw it. It ended like I am gifted to have a ‘lovable’ friend and he got anxious about the word ‘lovable’. I had to convince him there was nothing between us and he was just my classmate, he sends forwards to all and I was just in the list.

Due to some problem then at home, I didn’t message him for 3 full days, didn’t even reply on Diwali for his wish. After I returned to college, I thought of messaging him and took my mobile. That instant I got call from prem. He was very angry on me for not replying for 3 days. Also he was very afraid as to what happened to me. I convinced his anger for 30 minutes. I fell for the second time then.

Everyday morning, while messaging he used to ask me to wear a specific dress and I asked him to wear a particular shirt. One day “Can I ask you a personal question?”

I answered “Yes, you can ask”.

“What is your weight?”

“53”

“You don’t look like that”

“Why?”

And the mocking went on.

One evening I told him “I have never been so close with a boy”, and he said the same to me. He asked me what I was doing. I said “I am hearing songs from hindi movie”

“What movie, I am also hearing ‘mere haath mein’ from faana”

“Hey me too hearing the same song”.

“Our thoughts  have same frequency”, he said.

Semester exams started, still the late night chats continued. On the last day of the exam, prem asked me if we can meet that afternoon after the exam. I said Okay.

We decided the venue as college post office.

I bought a kitkat chocolate for him as this is going to be our next meet after the train incident. I went near post office, parked my cycle and waited for him. He came few minutes later, as I gave him the chocolate, he too gave a diary milk chocolate to me.

There was silence for some time, then we sat in a bench outside the post office.

There was no one around, all the students were in hurry to start back to their homes for holidays. The busy playground was bare and calm that noon, cycle stand was empty except for my cycle, there was only the sound of dancing twigs and rustling leaves of the trees. The air was clear with only the secret affection of each other.

Prem said “how did you do the exams, no need to ask you, you are the topper”

“Did well, but EMI was tough, only moderation can help me”

I was having my hands across the back support of the bench, he saw my hands, fingers and then me. “Can I touch your finger?”

“Yeah, what are you going to do?”

“Just show me your fingers, there is some astrology with the circles in the fingers, my mother used to see it for me”

He examined my fingers in both hands, but didn’t tell any fortune. I felt that he knew no astrology. Then he showed me his slam book from his first year college friends. There were some interruptions like passing of few lecturers and we had to manage to hide from them.

Later that evening, I started with harini to railway station. He messaged me that he too is going to start to the station. He just said “I will miss you”. I fell for the third time. 

In the station that night, I was sitting and flashing back the night which happened in the same place few months back. Suddenly prem came in front of me with ranjith. It was harini’s birthday. They both wished her and shook her hands

During the holidays, I changed my number to a free sms number. Later then, I went to my Grandparents’ place with my mother, which was also the hometown of prem. I wanted him to come to my grandparents’ home, to introduce him to my mother. My mother said not to call him because all my relatives were there and they may think bad about me. But I was very adamant about inviting him to home. He came to home in bike. Few formal dialogues went on and he left. I was very happy about this.

After the college reopened, it was the new year eve. And we got 3 days holidays. Prem said he is going to go to his grandparents’ place in dharmapuri. I too decided to visit my aunty’s place in erode.

He asked “If you don’t mind can have dinner together on the day we start from here, then you can carry on and I will also start to my place”.

“How can I travel in the night, then I will end up reaching erode at midnight. So we will start in the noon around 2 pm.”  My plan was bigger than his.

“Who is that we? Who is coming with you?”

“We means we both, we will have lunch and leave together to erode. From there you start to your place.”

He immediately said Okay with a big smiley.

We both awaited the day and at last it was the day. We started in the noon, prem wore a blue tshirt and I was in a red salwar. We had lunch at Annapoorna hotel and boarded the bus to erode. It was very excited and happy 2 hours. Prem was sitting next to me.

During the 2 hours, we were talking about nothing important. Just talking. During that instant I saw the conflict between mind and heart, which I have only heard about till then. The 2 hours ended and we had to depart in erode. We had coffee in a hotel, we were unwilling to depart even if it was for 3 days. We were sitting in a bus to dharmapuri. I sat next to him till the bus started.

Then the bus started and I left and boarded another bus to home.

He messaged me “I am thinking about you, I cannot get you out of my mind”

I said “Me too.. Thinking about me” with a winking smiley.

3 days got over and we decided to go back to college together. This time I wore a blue dress and he wore a red shirt. During the 3 days, I went to a temple and brought prasatham for him. I opened it and I myself placed it on his forehead. He too had brought the same from another temple and gave it to me. He also brought a black thread which has to be tied in hand. He tied it in my hand with 3 knots and smiled at me.

Back at hostel, he called me and said, “Somehow our travel has leaked to people here, so before your friends know it from boys, you tell to them”. I knew that it didn’t leak somehow, it was he who told to his friends.

Those days, I could make call after 10 in the night to bsnl phones at lower cost. So he borrowed his friend’s phone and we spoke nearly 1 hour everyday. Next came the pongal holidays and we went back to home for 3 days. Still I thought ‘we were friends’.

After coming back to college, there was a presentation by TCS. We all attended it.

We met the next sunday in the same place.  A security person came by the side and told us, “This is not the place for all these”.

So we went outside to a park and were sitting there for few minutes.

He said “All boys are teasing me that I am in love with you”

“Is it, why they are telling like that, have you told them like that?”

“No, I didn’t tell”

“Tell them we are just friends.”

He got angry for that and we left back to hostel, later I called him up and convinced him. It went on like this for days and months.

I knew I liked him and he liked me too. It was far more than a ‘like’. But I was very skeptical about my family’s reaction at this and controlled myself from expressing it to him.

Few days later, we were chatting through sms, in the morning at 8:00 am, I said “You will forget me soon after college, who am I for you, just a classmate and friend”

He replied “No, If time permits, I will definitely make you my wife”

I said “We don’t know what may happen in future, so let us not go in that way.” I didn’t tell no to him.

I wanted to love him, I wanted him to love me, but there was a barrier created by my mind for not disobeying my parents. During the day, there was a conflict between my hearty wish and mindly thoughts.

That night, we had long chat on phone about this. I tried to tell him a no, but I couldn’t do that. I yielded to my hearty wish and tried to keep away my mind’s control. Finally then, I was in love with him. It was not just friendship, but beyond that. There was no proposal, no acceptance, but we were in love.

We were like two magnets, neither of the magnet knows it is attracting the other one. But an invisible and unknown force, not just attracted, but bonded us together. This magnetic force has no theory and hypothesis behind, just defined by law of nature. It was not just a decision to live together, it was our trust and hope that we could convince our parents, convince our family and overcome all the hurdles and the faith in God.

I said “I am unlucky, there are good things happening to me, but I never got what I desired. I am afraid about this”

Prem replied “You know, I am always lucky, I never desire for anything, but if I wish I would get something, God gives me that for sure.”

Next day, I still had doubts about my decision, and asked him, “Tomorrow you will go for a job, you will see many girls there who are more good looking and good natured than I am, So…”

“You don’t be afraid of that, you are the girl of my life, and you will be the only one forever” he assured me.

From then on, there was no turning back. It was love, love and just love between us filled with smile, laughter, fights, jokes, tears, kisses, chats, hugs and it went into extreme personal matters. Beyond a point, there was nothing personal between us.